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With a Sudden Force

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March 2012.  These photos were taken at Multnomah Falls in Oregon, just off the highway that runs parallel to the gorge.

These were photos that were taken at a point where my hair was both at the longest it had ever been (around 2 years and 4 months total with no haircut - I had also lost all the weight I had lost in this time period, going from 325lbs to 195 at the absolute lowest - I'm at around 205-210 in these pictures while I'm at around 235-240 currently in 2014) and my fitness levels were at their peak - this was just at the very end of six months of fairly strict fitness (clean low calorie eating with a focus on getting a maximum level of protein with a minimum level of calories, along with 6-day a week workout program and playing shows in a band/moving equipment and lots of 4-6 mile walks).

There was a lot of change incoming in this time period, as I would leave the band I was in, in about a month or so from when these were taken, cut my hair, move to a new residence, met the girl I plan to spend the rest of my life with, start watching professional wrestling again (which I was into when I was a kid), gain a little weight back, lose my hardcore fitness streak and begin a regular video gig.

This person feels like a different person to me than the one I am currently.  Though currently I've rejoined that band, am growing my hair out and am working out regularly and eating strategically to go along with it.  So maybe I'm starting to blend these two selves, who knows.  Even though things I left behind are returning to me, I don't believe all things to be perpetual or unbroken, if you will, and I think that generally everything that happens is the thing that would have happened.  And regardless of the possibilities, what has been has been, regardless of what it could have been.  The changes I made were necessary at the time I made them and led me to places and people that are essential in my life.  I regret nothing, and that's generally how I view life.

That being said, I'm still plenty shy, reserved and generally awkward in many situations - I'm not quite the "Marlboro Man" as it were, haha.  But I don't go around lamenting or reflecting solemnly on what could have been (though I'm certainly victim to nostalgia and wanting to recapture or trump past glories at times), I try to focus on now and what's coming next.

Photo by Ashyndeton.
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XxMinka's avatar
That waterfall is so lovely.